• I forgive myself for sometimes losing my shit with my kids.
  • I forgive myself for not always keeping a clean house.
  • (I forgive myself for never keeping a clean house.)
  • I forgive myself for spending every day looking like a complete slob.
  • I forgive myself for not going to graduate school.
  • I forgive myself for not being a very good cook.
  • I forgive myself for not being very social.
  • I forgive myself for having no idea what jeans I should be wearing.
  • I forgive myself for not yet scheduling my first mammogram.
  • I forgive myself for not incorporating enough fiber into my diet.
  • I forgive myself for not being able to do the Soulja Boy dance, despite the number of minutes I’ve wasted trying to learn.

Good. That feels better.