Refuge
Written by OMSHt: Hopeful, Inspiring, OMSH, photos 20 Comments
Everyone needs a haven – a place of refuge in times of trouble, emotional or physical difficulty. I learned early on what my source of refuge was…whose wing to find shelter beneath.
As a child I had a very active imagination. My parents learned early on to protect me from things that negatively stimulated my imagination, like scary books or television shows and movies. If not, without fail, they’d wake to screams deep in the night.
During third grade I experienced nightmares nearly every single night for a few months. As I look back at it now I believe it was likely tied to anxiety and a specific teacher. We went through much the same thing with our oldest daughter, Emelie, her 1st grade year. Night terrors, bed wetting and a severe change in personality ended up being the result of a method of discipline (shaming) a particular teacher was using in her classroom at school. We pulled her out and all our lives became more peaceful almost overnight.
My third grade teacher despised me; nothing I could do was good enough. I remember wondering if she enjoyed torturing me. Third grade, for some reason, wasn’t a challenge. I’d finish my work and grow bored; I became a bother to those around me. Other teachers gave me extra worksheets, allowed me to help them staple packets, grade papers or run errands for them, but this teacher wanted me to sit still and be quiet.
The year dragged on and every day after school I’d have to deliver a report to my parents of my behavior for the day. A single, black stamp – smiley face or frowny face sealed my fate for the evening.
I hated that teacher. I hated that year.
I also hated the nightmares that began that year. I dreamed of a man with a machete that was coming to cut me up piece by piece. I would pull the covers tight over my head and tuck them all about me, so as not to let anything in. A tiny little “breathe” hole was the only thing I allowed and I would wait – as still as I could be – and listen. I tried to fall asleep before my parents went to bed, but if I didn’t…I’d lay awake listening – hearing sounds I mistook for him.
Sometimes the fear became too unbearable and I would scream out for my parents; a blood curdling scream that had them running (at first) or walking (as the months wore on) to check on me. They were tired – at their wits end.
I was terrified to go to sleep.
And then, one Sunday at church our Children’s minister offered a challenge. Whoever could memorize the 23rd Psalm and say it from memory into the microphone at Children’s church, would get a 2 lb. bag of peanut M&Ms.
Chocolate has always been a major motivator for me, so you can bet I got busy memorizing that scripture.
As luck would have it, my 3rd Grade teacher had a Bible on her bookshelf. It took a bit, but I finally found the nerve to ask if I could use it, and to my surprise, she agreed. I would finish my work, retrieve the Bible, and write the 23rd Psalm over and over.
Day by day, line by line, I memorized the 23rd Psalm.
A couple of Sundays later, I stepped up to the microphone at Children’s Church and recited the entire passage. And yes, I took those M&Ms home.
I didn’t realize then how that passage would impact my nights and my days, but as God’s Word does, it touched me to my core.
Surprisingly to me, it came to mind as I staved off nightmares and I begin to call for my parents less and less as I drew refuge in the words,
“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”
In class, I would write the passage over and over on paper, practicing my handwriting and trying desperately not to get into trouble.
“He leadeth me beside the still waters, He restoreth my soul.”
And later in life, when I first set out on my own and spent nights alone in an apartment, I would pray the Psalm until a peace came over me and I could rest.
“Thou annointest my head with oil. Thy cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Refuge.
Mine is rooted in my faith.
Do you have a refuge?
March 6th, 2008 at 1:02 am
My physical refuge is you and our home. My spiritual and eternal refuge is, of course, the Lord. He is. And I love you.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:20 am
My spiritual refuge is the same as yours and Mr. OMSH’s. I pray and sing hymns when I’m scared or worried, and know that I am not alone. And I am so thankful now for all those Bible verses I had to memorize at my Lutheran grade school and in Sunday School and confirmation class, including the 23rd Psalm. They have stuck with me far longer than I would have imagined when I was a 4th-grader.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:12 am
Wow, that makes me want to go memorize it right now! I have some scriptures memorized, but nothing that I really go to regularly like that.
March 6th, 2008 at 3:21 am
That was beautiful. I’m told that I didn’t sleep through the night until I was 8; and it started up again when I was 10. I don’t remember it at all, but I can’t imagine what that must have been like for my parents. What worked for me was the “Grandparents” radio station, KCTC. If there were any words to the muzak it was calming things like Dean and Frank and such. That still relaxes me.
But I now wish that I had Bible verses to memorize.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:06 am
I’m with you on that one. Though I don’t know the 23rd Psalm, I do have a way to stop the nightmares. Sleep with your bible under your pillow. Really it does work.
After multiple nights of the same nightmare, where I was being chased by a demon, when Shawn and I were first married, and I started regularly attending “church” they began.
When I would go back to sleep it would always start over again. But once I put that bible under my pillow it was like slamming a door in you know who’s face.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Wow, what a powerful post! Thanks for sharing.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Wonderful post.
Me, I can’t think of a refuge right now but thanks for getting my mind going this early in the morning.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:28 am
“Be Still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10
and
“He will keep in perfect peace, him whose mind is stayed on thee. Trust in the Lord forever” Isaiah 26:17
and
“In everything give thanks” Philipians something!
And yes, the 23rd Psalm – all point to my refuge of the Lord.
The peace and quiet of the outdoors and its ever changing but eternally God-created beauty – that points me “home” also.
Beautiful and inspiring post!
March 6th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Thanks for this. I’m a big worrier and just lately have found that singing “I surrender all” to myself helps immensely.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
what a beautiful post. yes, my refuge, too, is in my faith. i also find refuge in my family, books, and yes, the internet. i only have to read through a few blogs before i realize that i’m part of a bigger world, full of heartbreak and wonder. i can then let go of some of the piddly stuff i’m dealing with.
March 6th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
My current refuge is the 46th Psalm, but it moves around and it’s always something i memorized as a kid. Just had a talk w/my 6-year-old about storing verses in his heart so that they’d come to him when he needed them. perhaps some m&m motivation is in order to encourage it 🙂 sure is great to have the most portable refuge ever, yes? thanks for the thoughts.
March 6th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Betsy – Yep, I do that too…in the shower where I just so happen to have the most beautiful voice ever. heh heh
March 6th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I often sing “Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place” to myself when I need a refuge.
March 6th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
My family isn’t particularly religious but I do have experience with the 23rd Psalm. It seems that, where funerals are concerned, we are 23rd Psalm people (as opposed to Lord’s Prayer people, those are the 2 choices in the religious funerals I’ve attended). Last year when I attended the funeral mass of a dear friend it was a Lord’s Prayer one and I didn’t feel comforted. I prefer the Psalm, it makes more sense to me.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
My refuge is upstairs — it’s technically the guest room and my office, but I’ve recently set up a little table and a place to meditate. It feels amazing to have a space that is private and sacred… I meditate every night while my husband gives the kids a bath. It has been wonderful.
Another refuge for me, especially in these days with two young ones (4 1/2 yrs and 16 mos) is going outside. Just walking around our neighborhood or in the nearby woods will definitely serve to reset my mood and bring me back to center. The kids love it, too. Everything feels so much more spacious and we get caught up in looking at all the plants and animals and bugs and the sky above.
Thank you for your post.
March 6th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
My evening refuge is a hot bath with bubbles, a candle and a cup of tea. I don’t get there every night, but when I do? Heavenly.
What a beautiful post.
March 6th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Reading about when you first memorized the 23rd Psalm brought back some sweet memories. About two years ago, my son’s bible class teacher decided to attempt to teach them the psalm. This is a class of 3 and 4 year olds and their cute little speech impediments! Nothing will bring a tear to my eye quicker than hearing my 4 year old say the entire 23rd psalm. Much too cute.
March 7th, 2008 at 3:07 am
My favorite is in Isaiah, 55:12–
For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
I read it as a little girl growing up in a high mountain valley, and that passage has been a refuge ever since.
March 10th, 2008 at 1:27 am
I think you and I had the same grade three year. Incredible. I just posted above about the power of reading your own experiences on someone else’s blog.
Thanks for this.
February 4th, 2010 at 10:53 am
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